I've been wearing one-armed sunglasses for quite a while, now. Usually I am pretty good with keeping sunnies intact, but a few months ago I happened to leave my handbag in the vicinity of several small children, who had no compuction about borrowing my possessions for dress-ups (or writing all over my arms in permanant marker, which I admit I could have stopped but these were very charming small children. Sigh).
Anyway, I was in the city this morning so I decided to buy some new sunnies. I tried some white wayfarer-esque ones on recently, and they really suited me, and then I saw every fucking baby hipster north of the Yarra wearing them, so I did not go back and actually buy them. Which, really - it doesn't matter if they're trendy, right? I needed sunglasses and they looked good on me. I decided to buy them anyway.
The shop where I had originally tried them on was out - of course - so I did a quick browse of the chain-stores. Sportsgirl had a really fantastic shape, but in pale lemon - uck. Just Jeans had the right white but fairly crappy frames. Portmans had some hot pink ones, which were tempting as fuck, but I do tend to draw the line at neon. Eventually I ventured into the den of mindfuckery that is the Myer Basement, where some bright spark had labelled the house-brand faux-wayfarers as 'Dunsts'. Please, someone give that woman a raise!
Since I was in Myer anyway, I headed up to the toy department (shut up), where all thoughts of sunnies were knocked out of my head... because where once toys occupied every inch of the floor, one corner now was given over to Christmas decorations. Fucking Christmas decorations, rows and rows of them, and thin tinny carols being piped over the loudspeaker, and I think I swore out loud at the obscenity of Christmas in September. And then I felt incredibly guilty, because every time you swear in the Myer toy department, Santa anally rapes an elf - or something.
Anyway, I think that's it for me and Myer. After the Basement experience I wasn't too keen to actually patronise them (remind me to go on a rant about the Myer Basement in more detail next time we have a drink), but Christmas decorations? Really? Also, I started to veer off into a big mind fuck about conspicuous consumption and began equating my desire for new, unbroken sunglasses with the kind of mindless, disposable culture that big, corporate Christmas trees in September perpetuates. But then I realised that my broken sunnies were about to fall apart, and popped into Episode, that haven of all things hipster, and bought the fucking glasses. Because you know what? They suit me, and I like them, and I'll keep them long after the hipsters have discarded them for the next big thing.
Or until an adorable child rummages through my bag and breaks them. You know. Either way.
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3 comments:
Ah, mindless explosions of shiny, glittery, oh-so-freakin-bloody-happy xmas decorations, esp in Sept, encourage an outpouring of expletives for me too my dear. As well as muttered repetitions of 'Bah humbug'.
And am the same regarding all trends that suit me (thankfully most of them at the moment - eg. ballooning girly dresses with leggings - don't)!
Funny post Jess. (Poor bloody elves.)
*out jumps a one-armed man...*
And that's why you don't leave your bag around small children.
My sunnies last an average of 22.5 days before I lose/break them. So it's $9.95 petrol station numbers for me. They look crap, but I save a lot of money!
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